A reason for resolve: COVID-19

'Stay Home' notice at one of the many lakes, now deserted, in Minneapolis, MN.

Elizabeth Adams

This piece is part of the Spring 2020 series RACIALIZED PANDEMICS: STORIES FROM OUR COMMUNITIES.

Testimony

I’m re-evaluating everything… again - this time with resolve. Almost 2 years ago at this exact time, I was living in my brown body through one of the most horrific racist and sexist experiences of my life. I could not think about technology and its impact on my life.  I was hurting and in pain. I was working and leading a great team in a no-win situation.  

People were using technology to make predictions about me.  Reports were mis-characterized as failing leadership. I was accused of being in places I was not, because someone in a position of power decided they would not tolerate my gender and color in a leadership role. Emails were sent about me and video conferencing was used to make judgments about my ability to lead.  

None of the decisions made about me at that time were a reflection of my demonstrated leadership. I knew it, I felt it but I was trying to live, find a way to breathe, find a way to matter to someone. I had to make a choice.  I chose myself. I chose to step away to focus on my well-being.

I vowed that, if I made it through that experience, my “why” would always include being a voice for the voiceless. That’s where I am today: using my voice, my resources, my time, my charm, and my critical thinking to help those who are not in a position currently to think about tech. They are focused on sorting out the sudden destruction of their lives.  

Some have lost jobs and need to replace their income.  Others are finding solutions for childcare because they are essential workers. I have friends who can work from home but they now require internet connection which they can’t afford. They are solving newfound problems that were not present a month ago. My prayer is that they can hold on until things turn. My prayer is that they focus on what’s most important right now.  

For me, the next time something like a COVID-19 comes along, I may be that person needing to just breathe. My experience of severe racism, followed by severe bouts of depression, changed me. I wear a different quilt.  Am I vulnerable?  Yes.  But while I’m standing strong, I need to lead.  I am leading. That’s my resolve. I am leading, because there are others who can’t right now. And when leadership was eluding me, there were others leading on my behalf.

I miss my family. I miss seeing my brother who is on lock-down in an assisted-living facility. I miss so much of what was.  

My biggest pursuit right now, is helping ensure collaboration, information-sharing, and agility are a part of the process by which city officials help improve life when it's interrupted. I'm working with members of the Minneapolis City Council to build tech principles that have a racial-equity lens on data privacy and emergency preparedness, because someone can't right now. Those “someones” are worried about paying for their food, their rent, and maintaining their health.

I’m leading — because there is a reason for my resolve.